it's true. im depressed.
i've had better days. definitely.
today i woke up feeling like i never wanted to wake up. ever. just wanted to sleep the days away. snoozing then snoozing my alarm.
5 am.
6 am.
7 am.
8 am.
9 am.
10 am.
i finally wake up to the reality that i have a paper due at 1230 pm. fuck.
i don't want to wake up. im really tired. im getting sick. i should sleep more.
excuse after excuse of why i dont want to own up to my responsibilities.
i hate school.
im over bein a student.
it's crazy though because although i have been in this crazy funk lately i was actually really inspired and motivated after last nights sen. meeting. seeing the passion in people's eyes for the student orgs and programs that they are in support of..makes me really hopeful to know that people still care...people are still human. passion still exists.
doing my presentation on my paper in ethnic studies today wasnt so bad. i felt that people were really feelin my interest in researching transgender inmates in the prison system. something quite unheard of but for some reason i feel so obliged to explore. my paper is dedicated to malachi from s.o.u.l. for givin me a different perspective on gender, sexuality, love and life. thank you.
despite all of these good vibes..another bomb was dropped on me..not surprising really..as i feel that when life wants you to learn something..it REALLY wants you to learn something..bomb after bomb..lesson after lesson..let it rain as i get myself an umbrella..
i was told today that i "betrayed my pol. party"..given that this was said to me through prolly 5-10 other people..i am definitely not taking this shit lightly.
i have tried so hard to get people to understand where i am coming from, where i sit in those meetings, and the importance of recognizing what and how we do things in stud. gov't. people are misinterpreting and misunderstanding what i am saying..again and again..they hear me but they are not listening to what i am trying to say.
how dare people say that i am betraying anything! i am my own person and although i recognize that i have an obligation to support the people that helped get me into office, loyalty. i will never ever apologize for being a strong independent womyn that can think and feel for herself.
i have strived to uphold the fundamental values of what my pol. party claims to be about..agency, equality, giving voice to the underrepresented, being an individual, fighting social justice, community/coalition building etc. if for whatever reason i decide to be the dissenting voice in a space where i am supposed to be empowered then whoever said that i am betraying the party needs to recognize that he/she is indeed betraying the very principles that the pol. party was born on...recognizing the individual within the community.
message to the hater(s): check yourself and the privileges that you carry on your back..the accusations that come out of your mouth and ideas and values that you supposedly represent. recognize when YOU have become the oppressor..silencing others (the supposed "enemy") for their passion and drive..they are not the enemy, oppression is the enemy..own calserve, dont let it own you.
i realize now..that this battle is not just against oppression but those who engage and facilitate oppression in our very own communities.
