love is...

my mom reminded me the other day of how i used to buy the los angeles times newspaper every single day to cut these comics out. she used to do the same for me at her work. she would save them for me in an envelope and i would get them from her at the end of the week.

it's mind boggling how ridiculously i bought into the institution of marriage and heterosexual normativity.

"love (like home) is...an environment."

to new heights

"a toast" (taken at mtc thankstakin' lovin' 2009)

after doing some thinking about what i want to do with my life from 'here on out', i realized that there is no conceivable way for me to fully and comprehensively map out my life from 'here on out'. there are too many things i want to do in life and narrowing myself to just one static map would be a travesty of my very own core--the undefined and unconfined being that i am and will forever be.

yesterday, ruben asked me, "so what's going on with you? what's next for you...?" and i contemplatively replied, "after reevaluating some things in my life i realized that my life goals have changed a bit." then he replied, "so what new goals have made your final list?" and i quickly said, "well first of all, my list is not 'final' but to answer your question my goals have changed because my interests have changed." he next replied with, "i knew you would say that..."

this conversation is exemplary of the state that my mind is currently in. i am reevaluating and reconsidering what is indeed 'next' for me.

ill be honest, the last couple of months have indeed sparked new interests in me--public policy, law and government. after long battles over the plight of the bear's lair vendors, i have realized that i have a new found passion for changing policies that don't necessarily make sense for 'untraditional circumstances' like sustaining immigrant-owned businesses in the ever-increasing corporatization of our economy, admitting ab 540 and low-income students in higher and 'higher higher' education without securing financial aid for their living costs, the places where our colonized religions contradict and interfere with our cultural traditions and other thought-inducing gray areas in our 'not-so-perfect norm.'

policies governing our morality such as with gay marriage and abortion are totally contradictory to the supposed separation of church and state that we are quick to scapegoat when things go wrong or dont make sense. they dont make sense because there is no one-stop, fix-it-all, cookie cutter solution for governing behavior. our lives are way too complicated for a simple solution. duh.

at the heart of these gray areas, these obvious contradictions, these outstretched margins where my people live, eat, breathe, learn, love, dance, sing, play, grow...'there', is where i want to be.

...to new heights!

three cups of tea

so i picked up this book, "three cups of tea" by greg mortenson the other day (even though i was actually looking for another book that van had recommended to me and was also even interested in another book i saw on the same shelf at border's), and for some earth-moving/spiritual reason i feel like i was supposed to read this very book at this exact point in my life.

so "three cups of tea" is actually not a new book to me because the first time i heard about it was from jp, the dean. he actually brought it to a senate meeting after the nov. 13th altercation had happened in eshleman. he quoted this book during that senate meeting because quite frankly our campus, and in particular, the asuc was broken or at war, to say the least. he said this,

"Here (in Pakistan and Afghanistan), we drink three cups of tea to do business; the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third, you join our family, and for our family we are prepared to do anything--even die." - Haji Ali, Korphe Village Chief, Karakoram Mountains, Pakistan

he then reqouted the same book and something i had said (ever so eloquently he added) at that same senate meeting where he first quoted "three cups of tea", at the peace not prejudice rally/vigil that took place on one of the evenings during peace not prejudice week. i was at that night rally, with andrew chang, and when i had heard him speak about this book in relation to the altercation that took place on our campus (because it was clearly culturally relevant), the selflessness of extending grace to others, and of course what i had said about finding peace within ourselves before finding peace with the altercation (and of course the world), my disillusioned spirit lifted and my heart melted with joy and affirmation. that was a great night.

so when i saw this book at the bottom of the shelf, i knew i had to read it. And so i did. this book has definitely opened my eyes to the value of humanity and the importance of keeping promises. simple as that.

and aside from this reminiscent experience, reading "three cups of tea" has been a full circle (if you will) experience as greg mortenson (the protagonist in the book) lived in berkeley, just as i did/am, rented storage units from the same storage place on san pablo avenue as i did (this is a story in itself, of course), and went to the same rock climbing warehouse (now berkeley ironworks) that i do now. crazy coincidental? maybe, maybe not.

i know this may all seem really trivial but i am certain that i was supposed to read this book...right here, right now...in my life.

chasing pirates

(screen shots from youtube)

"chasing pirates" by norah jones

In your message you said, you were going to bed
But i’m not done with the night.
So I stayed up and read, but your words in my head got,
Me mixed up so I turned out the light.
And I don’t know how to slow it down.
My mind’s racing from chasing pirates.
Now I’m having the squeams, while the silliest things
Are flapping around in my brain.
And I try not to dream of the impossible schemes,
That swim around wanna drown me in synch.
And I don’t know how to slow it down
Oh My mind’s racing from chasing pirates

Oh My mind’s racing from chasing pirates
My mind’s racing from chasing pirates
My mind’s racing from chasing pirates

-----

pirates = boys, dreams, solutions, the next best thing........?

3 strikes and i'm on to the next...

"A Kit For Individual Exploration" by Nick Lake

today i realized that my transition outta berkeley has been a long time comin'. a waterfall full of thoughts proceeding an enlightening conversation that happened last night have led me to believe that i am no longer needed nor wanted on campus, in the community, the spaces i used to call

my "rock"

my "foundation"

my "home."

from not getting to continue my work at slas because of the lack of funds, to my limited appointment "inevitably" ending at the mcc, to..finally..gettin' little to no support from calserve on issues beyond the both of us...

that's 3 strikes and im not out but on to the next..

this is how it feels like to continuously and inescapably live life on the margins..hanging by threads of circumstance..only to get pushed out by difference..

as i reminisce my time at berkeley...i laugh as i remember as a first year being slightly disillusioned by the upperclass folks in my community who would fall victim to being straight up jaded by the community, their peers, the work. and seeing all of that, i made a promise to myself that i would never allow that to happen..to become so tired of the work to the point where i would, like many berkeley activists before me, be so "over it." so "over" the work.

there is so much work that still needs to get done for our selves and for our communities. this is not how i wanna go out...but hey, maybe people are "over me"....ready for me to leave, let go and move on...maybe, yes.

i, welcome this reality
i, salute the haters and the hypocrisy, the

non-stop shit talk

and to that
i, say peace

much love to the people who believed in me, who planted seeds, who forced and facilitated my growth as an organizer, activist, student, fighter, lover, friend, daughter, sister, filipina, womyn, humyn being and all of these at the same time. you are the reason i live, breath, love, dance and continue to realize my agency to envision a world worth fighting for.

throwing caution to the wind

pictures taken at ry tuck's first installation at his class' art gallery

"Love is not supposed to be abusive, self-destructive, selfish, painful, conditional, toxic

paralyzing

empty

cold"

(taken from our gchat conversation the night before)

his art

rather dark but

painfully real

undoubtedly hard-to-swallow but

unrelentingly honest

i love you ry tuck. i hope you know that you can always count on us/me to be there for you unconditionally.....

thanks-taking texts

i truly love my friends because they are politikal even during the holidays! here are some real ass texts they sent me over the thanks-taking break:

"Happy holiday! May u enjoy this time w/friends & family & know that you are loved by me and others! But dont forget the devastating history that bore this day." - Roxanne

"I am thankful for you! Happy thanks-taking! Remember the first illegal immigrants were white people!" - Huda

"Happy holidays!! though this day was once build on lies, it can be used now to appreciate wat u have been given...i appreciate u! :)" - Jackie

forever speakin' truth to power!! much love to you beautiful and strong womyn!

where i'm from: isabel drive

"isabel drive"

i finally finished my "where i'm from" poem that was inspired by this year's paa core (core41/41love) retreat that i helped facilitate for them.

if you wanna do it too, holler at me for the prompt!

-----

WHERE I'M FROM

By Krystle Pasco

I am from Pilipino leche flan, from lola’s hand-me-down recipes and three generations of strong Pilipina womyn.

I am from the two bedroom house on Isabel Drive, Spanish architecture, Pilipino interior, and Auntie’s orchids that paint rainbows in our driveway.

I am from the sweet Sampaguita and the overgrown banana trees in our front yard.

I am from Friday night worship and obnoxious laughter, from Amparo and Gavina, Villania’s and Pasco’s.

I am from the always-late to Christmas Eve with the family in Riverside and racist jokes at family reunions.

From ”don’t forget to say hi to your uncle and auntie, they gave you money” and ”Jun, oh, I mean Ning, come here! Look at the tv!”

I am from Saturday morning Pilipino gospel music, turkey bacon (instead of regular bacon because we don’t really eat that pork stuff), eggs over easy, dad’s homemade corned beef with sliced onions and tomatoes, and garlic fried rice all before church at 11:30a, even though church started at 10:45a.

I'm from Keene, Texas and family reunification by way of transnational migration, fried plantains with sugar and chicken chicharon.

From dad’s chronic high blood pressure, his love for fishing, and mom’s diabetes.

I am from abandoned family albums on dusty bookshelves and missing recollections of my childhood before I could even say, “mommy.”

my body, my fucking choice

"my body, my fucking choice" (notice the obama and the fetus in the background)

with the installation of the giant (and might i say, well-fucking-funded) pro-life campaign propaganda on sproul plaza, campus has become a hostile environment for both pro-life and pro-choice advocates.

jocel's status on gchat is very reflective and pretty much sums up the current political climate on campus..and anyone passing through sproul plaza can attest to this nonsense.

let's get it together berkeley...

october: pilipin@ american history month

"pilipin@ solidarity" picture taken by oscar mairena

this is the speech that i gave on mario savio steps today for the pilipin@ american history month visibility event. feelings of overwhelming nostalgia came over me as i saw my community out there..100+ strong..standing in solidarity with one another for ourselves, our families, our friends, our presence, our his/herstories, our futures. i haven't felt more proud to be a part of an "isang bagsak" unity clap circle in so long.

i love my community

-----

How many of ya'll recognize the shirt that I have on? This shirt is actually from my very first year here at UC Berkeley, before many of you were even students here. This shirt is from my very first SoCal outreach trip an annual trip, organized by pass, the pilipino academic student services. On this trip students drive down to the southern California area during our spring break, to do outreach presentations to middle school, high school and community college students about the things that they need to know about being eligible to apply to different colleges like…..but most of all we as students sacrifice our spring breaks to really empower students from underprivileged backgrounds to pursue higher education as a means of bettering their lives and the lives of people around them.

Now how many of you come from high schools were you didn't have a lot of AP or college prep courses? Or from neighborhoods where gang violence and drug abuse was prevalent? How many of u had to take care of younger siblings or even grandparents or had to work in high school to help out around the house? And even after all of this, once you finally got to Berkeley how many of u had at least one person, a friend, a family member or even a teacher or counselor or even you yourself think that u just weren't good enough?

Well this was my experience, as a product of outreach programs like socal outreach,iap, mesa or Puente. This was my experience as a low-income student of color and as a Pilipina-American womyn. I was told that I wasn’t good enough for college let alone somewhere like UC Berkeley.

These are the types of experiences that many of our Pilipino youth deal with and these are the types of students that members of the pilipino community feel the need to reach out to because they would not otherwise have access to this kind of information. Like many of these students I realized my agency to imagine a future worth fighting for.

Being a part of the Pilipino community here at Berkeley has not only given me opportunities like SoCal outreach to GIVE BACK to my community but it has also instilled in me the value of PAYING IT FORWARD, and TO LIFT AS WE CLIMB. And that is why we are here today to recognize and celebrate the month of October as Pilipino American History Month. It is important for us to remember our his/herstories as Pilipino people on this campus to understand where we are today and to fuel our spirits to continue fighting for tomorrow.

RACISM TODAY

"the white man's burden" photo taken at the philippine history month exhibition at asian art museum in san francisco

this is an email that alvin, a very good (and critical) friend, bcc'ed me on today. more power to him for having the courage to speak truth to his feelings and for standing up for OUR community. ma-ki-ba-ka! h'wag ma-ta-kot!

-----

Dear family and friends,

Today, as I woke up late to catch up to study for my 2 midterms this afternoon, I find myself compelled to deal with frustration as I sit in MCC. Walking down Bancroft Avenue, it's a nice day, people are strolling on the sidewalk. A young white male, probably in his midteens, stands outside Jamba Juice, wearing an Asian farmer hat, you know, the one like Raiden wears, or that is traditionally associated with day farm laborers in SE Asia, brought his hands to his heart and instead of bowing forward leaned back and smiled at myself, a passerby, and his circled group of friends.

I immediately am offended a world and tides over, and walk a few steps, then decide to turn around and tell his ass off. I politely ask whether he recognized that his actions were racially offensive, whether he realized his choice in attire participated in sensitive stereotypes that also hedge on larger discourses of war, diaspora, and ignorance. I tell him I am personally offended, turn around, and walk away. At first he tries to play cool and say no, but I think the sincerity of my voice was strong enough to help this racist young man that I am quite seriously offended, and I would hope that he has learned some lesson, even if its to second guess his future racially-offensive act.

So here I am, irritable and disgruntled, that somewhere like UC Berkeley campus someone would have the audacity to act in such a way, and that of all the people around that corner of Bancroft and Telegraph that no one else had told him off.

Please remain vigilant about the world around you, there are still some ill-informed individuals who whether they realize or not, are performing violences against our community. That being said, I encourage everyone to attend the Blurring Borders event at the MCC tonight, at 6pm. It's about AB540 students, so hopefully we can all learn a little about the many sensitivities within our own and others' communities.

Isang bagsak,
Alvin

Letter to my Lola

My dad is flying over to the Philippines tomorrow to visit his mom, our Lola Gavina. Lola moved back to the homeland after my Lolo, her husband, passed away while I was in high school. My brother and I decided to write letters to her which my dad will be bringing with him on his trip.

Lola took care of my brother and I when we still lived in Arlington, Texas on Peach Street and then again when we moved to Los Angeles, California and lived on Isabel Drive. She always made us popcorn, french fries and pickles for lunch.

Love you Lola,

Rest in peace Lolo,

Miss you both.

------

Hey Lola,

I hope you are doing well in the Philippines! We miss you here in California and hopefully I will be able to earn enough money to come and visit you by next Summer. I really want to interview you and learn more about your experiences and to hear what life is like back in the Philippines. I hope to make a small documentary about your life and the struggles that you have endured because I know that you have weathered many storms in your lifetime and it is all very inspiring!

So how is everyone in the Philippines? The family? I have yet to go to the Philippines and visit my Dad's side of the family but I hope that everyone is in good health and is taking good care of themselves. Was anyone in our family hit by Typhoon Ondoy? I have been keeping track of what has been happening in the news and have been helping to send relief to the victims of the typhoon in the Philippines, Indonesia, Samoa and the other countries affected by the typhoon. All in all I hope our family is okay.

I just recently graduated from UC Berkeley and got my Bachelor of Arts in Ethnic Studies, which is basically the history and understanding of many different racial and ethnic groups. Also, I am currently working as the Assistant Program Coordinator at the Multicultural Community Center on campus and I absolutely love it! But in the near future I hope to go back to school to get my Master of Arts in Counseling so that I can work with students, families and couples by helping them through their issues! And hopefully after that I will get my PhD/EdD in Education. I definitely have ambitious dreams but I've learned that nothing is impossible especially if you stay focused and work hard at it.

My friends and I are trying to start a Philippine Studies Program here in my school so that we can learn more about our history, language, and culture. We have been interviewed by different Pilipino newspapers and news channels. I appeared on ABS-CBN Balitang America and GMA News!

Okay, Lola I hope that you are enjoying your time in the Philippines and I hope that you write back to us as well! We would love to hear from you!

Love you Lola! God Bless!

Ingat,
Krystle Pasco

love like there's no tomorrow

So I got onto the 1R bus today to meet Melyxxa for lunch. And as I was looking for an empty seat on the bus I contemplated sitting next to this little boy, his younger brother and what I assume to be their mother. The bus started moving so I decided to just sit in the open spot in that part of the bus where the family was sitting.

I couldn't help but take a picture and write about what I was seeing and how I felt at that particular moment. I was having some sort of epiphany or realization about my family or something..im not really sure..

But as the bus left Ashby I couldn't help but notice how tired and exhausted the three of them were. I felt the fatigue in their body language but the tirelessness and persistence in their energy. The mother and younger brother were fast asleep, their heads bobbling with every stop and go, every bump in the road. But right next to me was the older brother, definitely no more than 5 or 6 years old, wide awake, looking out of the window, his face so innocent. I couldn't help but notice that there was no father figure in sight. Something oh-so-familiar to many matriarchic cultures like that found in the Philippines (pre-Spanish colonization) and presumably Mexico and other indigenous cultures that give power to their womyn.

For some reason I caught myself staring at the little boy right next to me as he dangled his feet over his seat, they hung 10 inches short of reaching the floor of the bus. Although this boy was no more than 6 years old I could feel the invisible protective shield that he held around his family as he watched them as they slept.

I was so amazed by this little boy and I could only imagine how much of a role he actually played in his family, for his mother, for his younger brother and for his father? and at such a young age I couldn't help but sympathize for the boy and the many other boys, who've grown up to be men, who have had to assume this role in their families, to be the supposed father figure, the breadwinner, the translator, the negotiator, the emotional support, the facilitator, the never ending source of glue that keeps the family together.

For the moment that I was on the bus with this boy I felt so connected, connected to him, to his struggle, to his family, to what ever he was feeling and thinking about at that unique moment. For whatever reason, I started thinking about the boy's future. Maybe he'd grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, a professor, a firefighter, a counselor, the first in his family to go to college and graduate, the person who cures cancer, the next person to receive the noble peace prize, the person to solve our world's economic problems or even our never-ending problems within public education. I saw this kid's potential to be so many amazing things but at the same time I saw the 'glass ceiling' getting thicker and thicker right above him. His potential became more and more blurred in my mind.

But amidst the other things that I couldn't help but think about at that moment I couldn't help but think about Ruben (and the many other men in my life that have gone or are currently going through similar life and family circumstances) and the big role that he takes on for his family. Ruben, in so many ways, was this little boy, wide-eyed and innocent yet ready to take on the world but at the very same time is very selfless with his love, attention, energy, time, patience..and although this may not seem like a bad thing from the outside..what happens when Ruben is in need? Do people give Ruben the same attention that he gives out? Being selfish with one's own time is never a bad thing (on the inside) if it means taking care of ones' own mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It's about making sure that one can serve their communities in the best and most healthiest ways possible for them and the people they love.

I've seen too many organizers burn out from constantly runnin' on a fixed path of disillusionment from the movement, the revolution, 'community service', fake social justice..the list goes on. and yes it's true that sometimes we need to lose ourselves (and the people closest to us) in the movement to realize that we've forgotten what's most important to us..and maybe when we find ourselves alone, blindly fighting for a cause, with people we don't really care about, will we realize that it wasn't worth compromising what we truly believe in, who we are as people, our values, our friends, our relationships, our academics, the fake 'progress' that we are supposedly making and maybe even our sanity..

It is indeed hard to negotiate between what is really important in life and what may seem to be important in life. And most of the time, it takes completely losing ourselves in the process to realize that what we have right in front of us is more than we can ever ask for. I know this because I've gone through this myself, many a times. I've found myself completely lost in the movement..not knowing where I am or what will come next and losing friends and loved ones in the process. And even after all of that, I still find myself needing and wanting to rebuild those bridges, bridges that may never again be rebuilt.

If I could give this little kid, sitting right next to me, two pieces of advice, I would tell him to

1) never compromise who he is for anyone or anything else..and

2) love like there's no tomorrow.

i wish you would just give up the world for me..so that i can fight the world with you..

compass on gmanews.tv

picture taken from gmanews.tv

our article for compass: the committee for philippine studies and the sept. 24th walkouts finally got published. it was unfortunately put on hold due to the typhoon that devastated my motherland, the philippine islands, which happened later on that same night. although, our momentum was drastically dampened due to the redirection of our focus towards raising funds and getting aid and other forms of relief to the typhoon victims we are still organizing and making philippine studies a reality for us, future berkeley students and the larger pilipin@ community.

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/174038/filipino-students-push-for-philippine-studies-at-berkeley

on another note, it's interesting the role that pilipin@s are playing or not playing in the aftermath/strategizing post the sept. 24th walkouts. because of what's been going on back in the motherland, what's been going on in the streets of oakland and richmond..there are more pressing and more personal things that are happening that speak louder to me than any chant screaming "fuck yudoff" or "hell no furlough."

MY people are dying.

OUR people are dying.

..and all i want to do is make sure that OUR mother's stories continue to be told.

---

Filipino students push for Philippine Studies at Berkeley

MARCONI CALINDAS, GMANews.TV
Article posted October 07, 2009 - 07:03 PM

BERKELEY, California - Filipino and Filipino-American students of the University of California (UC) in Berkeley continue to push for the establishment of Philippine Studies classes amid a budget crisis faced by the school.

“We are now focusing on getting more Philippine classes while securing our current Tagalog classes," Lean Deleon said, referring to his group, the Committee for Philippine Studies (Compass).

“We also plan to get a Philippine Studies teacher, which we hope can lead to a successful campaign of getting Philippine Studies on the Berkeley campus, and then to the other UCs," added Deleon, who is also one of 20 senators of the school’s student council, the Associated Students of the University of California.

Filipino and Filipino-American students join a recent protest rally at the University of California in Berkeley’s Sproul Hall Plaza to push for the inclusion of Philippine studies in the school curriculum. Marconi Calindas

On September 24, Compass joined over 5,000 UC students, faculty and staff in the mass walkout and protest held in the Berkeley campus. The rally, considered to be the biggest in California since the 1960s, was held in response to the recent actions by the UC Board of Regents, the 26-member panel that governs the system.

The regents approved a plan last July that consisted of widespread lay-offs along with other budget cuts. A 32-percent tuition hike was also included in the plan.

“Save Our University," the protesters cried, asserting their plight.

Compass led the 800-Filipino student contingent during the rally, even performing a traditional Filipino tinikling dance on the campus’ famed Sproul Plaza, while other members held placards declaring the group’s opposition to the budget cuts and tuition increase.

Deleon said the walkout was only the beginning of the movement to save public education, that “people are still continuing that dialogue so that the movement doesn’t die out till we start holding the UC Regents and administration accountable to the students and stop tuition increases."

University of California President Mark Yudof reportedly announced a plan to increase student fees by $2,514 over the next year.

“By next fall, the students will be paying at least $10,000 for tuition," Deleon said, adding that the lay-offs will also affect Filipino faculty and staff, whom he considers as the backbones of the university.

Filipino students remain steadfast in the statewide battle for freer and fairer education, Deleon assured, for there is a significant number of Filipinos in California who might also benefit from their campaign.

UC Berkeley Chancellor Robert Birgeneau blamed the United States’ economic recession for the cutbacks and fee increases, even saying that the layoffs have helped to save hundreds of jobs within the UC system. Birgeneau further blamed state legislators for the $813 million cut from the UC budget for 2008-2010.

The chancellor, in a teleconference after the protest, said that he hopes the rally would raise the consciousness of Californians “so that they will vote for legislators that support public education."

University of the Philippines (UP) professor Joi Barrios was also with the group during the rally, announcing that the unions of UP workers and academic employees have extended their support to the protest in Berkeley.

Also a lecturer of Philippine Studies in Berkeley, Barrios presented her poem “Kampanile" in Filipino, discussing the state of education in the UC. Reading her verse in the local language stresses that Philippine Studies is also an important part of the UC curriculum.

“The student of the State is not a student of the Regents," she said.

UC campuses in Los Angeles and San Francisco also held rallies on September 24, simultaneous with the mass walkout in Berkeley. – with Melissa de los Santos, GMANews.TV

---

All Rights Reserved. 2006 © GMA Network Inc.

they make the crisis

"they make the crisis" photo from sept. 24th walkout, taken by oscar mairena

alex and i have been getting particularly close these last few days as we have in some weird way sought each other out to vent, to ask hard-and-almost-impossible-to-answer questions and to verbally sort out the infinite amount of lingering thoughts that we both have about our current relationship situations. although our situations are uniquely different in their own right and we evidently both lie on opposite ends of the "experience spectrum," he has been my relentless set of ears and i have been his.

our lightweight impromptu sessions at the mcc, while im on my work shift and when he finds time after class, have been invaluable to me both emotionally and physically.

and although i walk away from our sessions feeling heavy hearted and probably even more confused than ever, they help. they help me confront the emotions and feelings that i've been bottlin' up (word to some lyrics in drake's song "fear": and know i pop bottles cuz i bottle my emotions, at least i put it all in the open).

we also talked about committing ourselves to actually giving ourselves the time of day to literally sort these feelings out..to be productive, to find peace, to be okay with the (un)controllable circumstances..that's A LOT more than we can say for the two individuals that have been the source of all our troubles.

for now, "they make the crisis" and the burden falls on our confused hearts..like budget cuts and student pockets. yes, the picture for this blog post is passive aggressive on my part but this movement is more than just about fee hikes, furloughs and budget cuts.

alex, i'm so glad you're back from china. i love you! thanks for lookin' out for me..and thanks for this quote:

"push life and see how it pushes back, bends and reacts"

- alex tan

currently doin' just that..

life is sweet

"max's halo halo"

life is sweet. or at least it can be. but despite the bitter taste life can leave in your mouth sometimes or all the time..you gotta just keep on livin'.

this is a passage that kifer posted on facebook today. it's from mother teresa. it made me think about the dysfunctional relationships/friendships (there actually aren't many) that i currently have in my life.

to the hater(s): no matter how hard shit hits the fan between you and i..i will never throw you away, never cross you outta my book, never take your life for granted (a lil' something i picked up from jp, the dean at my school).

so, reflect on this:

"People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight;
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten;
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway."

- Mother Teresa

faux hawk

i finally finally FINALLY got a faux hawk! and i ABSOLUTELY LOVE it!!! Lindsey, my hair stylist from Panache on College, was hella dope and she made my hair look so femme and i loove it!

Melixxa and Nikki-ki-ki also got short hair cuts. Melixxa got a short bob and Nikki-ki-ki got an even shorter bob. WE LOOK HOTT! Short hair, don't care. that's riiiight!?

It's interesting this new look of mine because I always thought that my face was really masculine partly because i've always been really tomboy-ish and partly because i don't wear make up because it takes up too much time (and it makes you look really really girly) and i've always just been a hair person..but now that my hair is super boy-ish, i realize how feminine my face really is. what a trip.

so i guess you really don't appreciate things until you lose a part of it. in this case, my hair.

villania

thanks ruben for getting me my very own hoodrat chain and for going all the way to mexico to get it!

"villania" is my mom's maiden name..from her father..the only grandparent i never got a chance to meet.

r.i.p. lolo.

maybe one day i'll get that chance to meet you..