3 strikes and i'm on to the next...

"A Kit For Individual Exploration" by Nick Lake

today i realized that my transition outta berkeley has been a long time comin'. a waterfall full of thoughts proceeding an enlightening conversation that happened last night have led me to believe that i am no longer needed nor wanted on campus, in the community, the spaces i used to call

my "rock"

my "foundation"

my "home."

from not getting to continue my work at slas because of the lack of funds, to my limited appointment "inevitably" ending at the mcc, to..finally..gettin' little to no support from calserve on issues beyond the both of us...

that's 3 strikes and im not out but on to the next..

this is how it feels like to continuously and inescapably live life on the margins..hanging by threads of circumstance..only to get pushed out by difference..

as i reminisce my time at berkeley...i laugh as i remember as a first year being slightly disillusioned by the upperclass folks in my community who would fall victim to being straight up jaded by the community, their peers, the work. and seeing all of that, i made a promise to myself that i would never allow that to happen..to become so tired of the work to the point where i would, like many berkeley activists before me, be so "over it." so "over" the work.

there is so much work that still needs to get done for our selves and for our communities. this is not how i wanna go out...but hey, maybe people are "over me"....ready for me to leave, let go and move on...maybe, yes.

i, welcome this reality
i, salute the haters and the hypocrisy, the

non-stop shit talk

and to that
i, say peace

much love to the people who believed in me, who planted seeds, who forced and facilitated my growth as an organizer, activist, student, fighter, lover, friend, daughter, sister, filipina, womyn, humyn being and all of these at the same time. you are the reason i live, breath, love, dance and continue to realize my agency to envision a world worth fighting for.