november17|lost in my movement

[picture coming soon]

tonight i facilitated a community forum regarding the campus climate and the overall issue of campus safety. despite certain personalities within the people that attended the meeting i have to say that i am really....

disappointed. 

surprised.

lost.

confused.

disempowered...

all at the same.

its hard to say at this moment whether or not i feel satisfied and proud of what happened or even more lost and confused about where our campus/world is really at in terms of creating peace. its really difficult to be an ally to certain communities and to facilitate highly political and very much painful conversations such as the one that happened tonight that as an ally..im fucking lost. did i do what a good ally should've done?

as an ally i feel that i have put myself on the front lines for blows that allies should be taking to promote peace, understanding and acceptance in any cause that they are allies to.

so why do i feel so disempowered?

it's really interesting to hear comments from individuals who think that having a structured conversation was "impeding on the conversation itself"

it's hard for me to sit here and be silent as i truly feel that the conversation that happened tonight needed to happen (in the way that it did) and for folks that were upset or unsatisfied with what happened need to really think about the purpose of tonight and what it really means to have dialogue on things that we ALL can do as students to address campus safety.

honestly, if you weren't happy then im sorry. have your own community forum. facilitate your own meeting. come up with your own agenda.

i tried. i really tried to create a peaceful and safe campus tonight. i tried to bring people, communities together to talk about what the fuck is going on on our campus. it is very clear to me that people are NOT ready to come to the table to talk about what our issues are in a constructive way. it is very clear that the wounds that we all carry within ourselves because of the oppression that we ALL face is still very much unhealed. it is clear that we have not reached the boiling point where we ALL feel that it is necessary to come together for safety, for humanity, for peace. so what is it going to take? another person getting attacked? a race riot? this is unacceptable. why do we act in such urgency and reactionary terms when we can be proactive and solution oriented? after tonight, it is evident that even collective solutions are "premature actions" towards addressing the issues.

then what is it? what is the next step that we should take? im all out of answers to my own questions as i feel that i have acted on what i thought was right. here. tonight. but i guess i was wrong because members of the communities that i thought i was an ally to were not feelin' what my intentions were for the agenda, for the community forum, for tonight.

why are we in a place where blame is what we want? where fingers are pointed, outstretched, as if that makes anything okay. as if that solves years and years of emotional, physical, and psychological oppression on our ancestors and now on us. when was it ever okay to blame someone just for the sake of feeling validated or legitimized? when did oppression ever become legitimized with further oppression?

tonight was not about venting, it was not about pointing fingers, it was about placing blame on anyone. why can't anyone see that?

tonight i felt like an ally. tonight i felt like a traitor.

we are evidently far from our vision for peace and i will stop at nothing to continue to facilitate these painful conversations as they are more than necessary for all of us to have in order for us to realize our own responsibility in seeing through our vision for peace.

whatever it takes for me to feel a sense of security, a sense of safety, a sense of peace on this campus, i will do whatever it takes for people to realize that pointing fingers and ignorance never got nobody nowhere.

the struggle continues...

the struggle continues...

the struggle continues.