cs deliberations has got me emotionally overwhelmed by progressive bureaucracy.
my puffy, cried out eyes have marked my body with the tough love that i have for this community and people within this community.
i am reminiscent of the haste decision that i made a year ago and whether or not my situation is transferrable to the current situation at hand.
maybe, i shouldn't have run for office because my heart was not fully committed to it initially?
although, i have found not only the love that my heart can give to this opportunity, i have more importantly found my voice.
no value determined.
initial intentions just like first impressions don't mean shit...sometimes. but how they can be used against us can manifest itself in "red flags" and acts of "self interest", perceptions by others who have ill intent for their words.
my heart hurts for my community.
yet again.
this process is just so fucked up and im tired of it. being a part of this process sucks when its trying to be non-hierarchical but in doing so is guilty of that same act. regardless of what i think at this point i don't think it matters because people have come to the table with decisions already made in their heads.
i don't think i have ever consciously decided to silence myself in a process as much as i have in this space, this year. go figure.
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