april19|i miss you

im sorry too..for puttin u in situations u didnt need to be in and for makin decisions u didnt have to make..im sorry most of all for following my heart as opposed to my head..n 4 developing indescribable feelings 4 u that even party lines couldnt define

this was a text that i sent to a person that has been a large part of my life in the last two months..someone who taught me to be patient in my relationships..who taught me how to see past conflicting ideologies..who showed me what good communication was about..who helped me understand my own misunderstandings about a group of people..who got me to realize that there is still a lot of learning that i have to do in life..

and despite all of the resistance i got from my friends and family..i made the decision to continue on with this relationship..and i continued to blindly assume that we were on the same page with each other..

agency is about the ability to make choices and standing up for those choices

im numb
my heart hella hurts
but i can't be mad
all i can be is confused, sad, frustrated, hurt, betrayed..
stand up for what you want and not what you have to do
its your agency
its your happiness
its your life
stand up for it.

my eyes are tired of crying
my heart is tired of hurting
i miss you
and i hope you miss me too