july28|tell me why

tell me why sometimes i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. i usually dont mind it all but today i realized how much i miss working closely with students and how much i cant wait to teach at some high school next year..working with my students this summer has made me realize how much i genuinely care about them..all 28 of em. coming to terms with the fact that im pretty much on my way outta berkeley while theyre barely on their way in..ive realized that its okay to be old and mature and fun at the same time. their energy is so vibrant and alive and i feed off of that. no matter how much they cant stand their roommates or are hella crushin on that one person or are missin their families like crazy..i am their peer advisor..im here for them. this summer has definitely been all about connectin with my students to a point where they feel that they can come to me for anything. i feel like i've gotten one step closer to really building that relationship with them..especially today. this is the kinda work that i live for..that i was born to do. its not even really "work" i feel. its a habit outta love.

i need to tie up some loose ends before i carry on with my life again. until then i have to deal with 1) people who are haters and who unfortunately want to be a part of the mess i created and 2) people who say they can't live without me but in reality dont know shit about me and are blinded by their need to constantly be in a self-affirming relationship. times are hard right now but not that hard.

starting to get really worried about my health. i finished my antibiotics last friday but things arent getting better. throats still flemy, still can't taste, smell, or hear anything...im fallin apart, physically and im getting really anxious. i hope my lungs are okay. after all i'll be needing them to protect the heart that likes to get me into trouble all the time. i hope i didnt eff things up today with my word vomit but i really couldnt help it. it felt right. tell me why im so giddy!?