(picture coming soon)
today is my 22nd birthday..big wamp..im old. i actually forgot that my birthday was coming up..my mom called me last week and asked what my plans were for my birthday and i totally forgot what day it was. so much for being 22..not really excited..too busy and i have a final tomorrow..what better way to celebrate my birthday than to study for a sociology final..haha..funnn! i cant wait till 330p tomorrow!!! let this day be over already..please!?!?!?!!?
today also marks the day that i finally got the closure that i was lookin for this whole semester..how crazy that it came on the night of my birthday..it really is random how epiphanies hit you in the face..and you realize that its been in you the entire time..you just needed something or someone to help you uncover the truth..
so he stopped lovin me because we were too similar, hahahahhahaaha..that was my response.
yes, altho that is a pretty bull shit excuse..its a lot more fulfilling than just wanting more time..or just being too busy with life..which was the "excuse" i was left hangin with. now, i understand that being too busy can really make a relationship complicated but people make time for the people they love..so i guess he just wasnt feelin it anymore at least not enough to want to make time for us.
its funny because i always thought that being in a progressive relationship was something that i always wanted..i imagined being able to scream at the top of my lungs at a rally while standing beside the person that i loved the most..getting arrested together..hooridin the muhfucken world together..maybe thats a little selfish..surrounding myself around the work and the people i love and would die for and the person whom i would do the exact same for..but i realize that progressive relationships are hard..hard to maintain..hard to understand...hard to be in. now this doesnt mean that i dont ever want to be in a progressive relationship..i think this means that i want to be in a relationship that values progressive ideologies..and where both myself and my partner are in the same place in our lives..where we both not only want to be in a relationship but are ready to really commit to one another on whatever level we feel is right.
the other thing ive come to realize is that opposites really do attract and gravitate towards one another..what does being "too similar" really mean? i always thought that that was a really good thing to have in a relationship..where i could share my deepest passions with someone else who also shares my same loves and likes and even dislikes, my interests, etc. etc. what does it mean for someone to not want to be in a relationship with someone who is too much like them? trip off that.
for myself, i wanna be with someone that loves tha same things that i love..because if i truly love them..then i truly love myself too..maybe people seek what they dont have in others..when they look for partners to be in relationships with. maybe thats the kind of "balance" they seek to have in their lives? maybe there are some internal issues that need to be dealt with and this is not to say that i dont have my own internal issues and insecurities that i need to work out but i know my worth..and that's definitely something that he has taught me to be proud of. damn, how ironic are relationships sometimes..but how empowering and enlightening are they at the same time.
thank you for finally "giving" me the closure that i needed to realize why we're just friends and why we support one another the crazy way that we do..i hope that you find someone who can show you how to love yourself.
this blog is dedicated to movin on with my life and documenting my 22nd year of existence..let's keep this shit rollin..
No comments:
Post a Comment