(picture by april)
pil grad was amazing this year..although i came like an hour late..i couldnt help but cry my eyes out while i tried to record the ceremony on my video camera..but definitely big up's to maan and the planning committee for putting this beautiful ceremony together for our communities and holdin it down for our peoples in higher education.
as i watched my class march in to the traditional graduation ceremony song, walk across the stage, and say/cry their 45 second dedications to the people who helped contribute to their journey here at cal..i couldnt help but feel like i was getting left behind. although i know i have a whole lot ahead of me in this next year..my class, the people that i have grown up with here at uc berkeley are finally "growing up," moving on and going on to bigger and better things.
i realize that i have serious abandonment issues that i definitely need to let go of. i get scared when people peace out of my life and never keep in touch. i hate opening myself up to people, pouring my heart out..getting nothing in return but a temporary connection that fades away with distance and time. i have come to conclude that a lot of my angst about "getting left behind" or people "peacin out" of my life..is from my childhood..having to move around, switchin schools..i never had a best friend or some childhood friend that i could really keep in touch with. movin from texas to cali didnt exactly make things easier either but i guess i was always feelin like i had to leave people behind every time my family decided to up and move.
when i moved from texas to cali i left behind my best friend jessica cook..my first boyfriend shaun hudgins..my family and all the boy cousins that i grew up with. since then ive come to realize that i have been so guarded with my past, my emotions, my life..like no one was ever good enough or around long enough to really share all that with.
not until recently have i really opened up to not just one person but a whole group of people..that i really feel like i can really trust with my experiences, my emotions..and even my life. paa core has really opened my heart in a way that has made me into this emotionally conscious person that ive become in the last few weeks of school. i dont think ive ever cried so much in front of a group of people that truly love me for who i am.
i will definitely miss these amazing individuals: jeffrey, rendell, carlo, justine, josh, jojo, patty, adrien, lisa, april, mary june and brian...although i will see many of these folks next year..i wont have the safe space that we as a core have created for ourselves..a space so rare yet so empowering and special. imma miss our core meetings, our dinners, our affirmation sessions, our video clips, our crazy activities, our inside jokes, our one-liners, our pictures and corny ass poses...everything. we are truly a super core..i dont care what other people think or say but we are..not just because we have two future asuc execs and a senator..or people who are double coring in like bridges, {m}aganda magazine, pasae, apac, cal slam, calserve, movement, pda and other dope ass spaces..we're a super core cuz we got so much love for each other and the work that we do. that's priceless. what am i going to do without this group of people next year? ^%&*()*&^%$#%^&*!!!!!!!!
to paa core 07-08: thank you for always listenin and for always havin a sista's back..imma hella miss the shit outta ya'll..no words can really articulate how i truly feel for each and everyone of you and how much you've really made an impression on me...let's kick it soon cuz we HELLA KRAY KRAY! ya heard!?
No comments:
Post a Comment