i think im at the hardest point of this break up process..i think this because i've been pretty okay the last few days..but since yesterday i've been having flashbacks and random moments of sadness..my subconscious is throwing up, if you will, moments that ive kept deep inside..memories that only we knew existed..memories that only we knew were real..im remembering the times we did nothing but listen to music, play footsy in bed, the time he got me a bagel and apple juice and waited for me to get outta class, the once endless texts that never ceased to make me smile..it almost hurts to even type this thought of mine let alone sit by myself thinking about how happy and carefree i was at that moment.
i think im relapsing...
i feel sick to my stomach again and i can't really take in any food right now.
and i definitely did something that i prolly shouldn't have...
yesterday morning i woke up from a dream about him and i couldnt go back to sleep. i woke up missing him..missing the random shit we laughed at...the jokes..the feeling of always knowing someone else was thinking about me..i texted him. i texted him that i missed him. i dont care if he responds or not..(or maybe i do? :/) i just wanted him to know that i missed him.
fml.
but im holdin' true to my new year's resolution.
fuck it.
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