since graduation i havent really been myself..ive noticed that much. im neck deep in this funk that i don't really know how to handle right now..i think its separation anxiety according to this: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx78.htm.
fml.
its pretty ridiculous considering that im an independent person by my very nature. i dont know what's going on with me but i really hope that this anxiety goes away...and soon. hopefully its just the pressure from looking for a job during an economic recession...or anticipating the gre's..or researching graduate schools..or maybe im just homesick? although ive internalized my emotions and have in some ways taken it out on other people..esp eddie..making things such a big ass unnecessary deal. its not his fault. he's been nothing less than supportive and honest with me. yes, things have changed and are going to continue to. yes, his priorities are different. yes, he's more busy than i am now. but i know he has no intentions of doing me wrong. he's a great guy with a good head on his shoulders. hopefully he's here for the long haul.
its really just me.
maybe i need to find something to keep my mind off of things. maybe i need to think about my dependency issues. maybe i just need to get it together.
maybe.
leaving for la today is hopefully going to be a positive thing. i have yet to leave the berkeley bubble since spring break. so maybe some time away will be good for my conscience. it's going to be a big weekend for me..doing a graduation tribute (something i've always dreamt of doing) and my family's hosting my first (but surely not my last) graduation party. things should be chill.
la, here i come.
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